I Will Trust In You

 

   

 

 

 

     This is my Pops.  I love him so much and am very proud to be his daughter.  Dad has been going thru a hard time lately and I've been watching him.  You see, Pops is physically handicapped.  He had avascular necrosis of his hip joints when he was born. His hip joint didn't get the blood supply it needed - so his hip disintegrated. So that means that instead of having a ball and socket in his hip, he had a screw and some bailing wire - I kid you not.  I've seen the x-rays.  That leg was 3 1/2" shorter than the other leg.  So he has had multiple hip surgeries.  He learned to walk many times before he finally had a hip replacement in 1999 when they made his legs the same length.  On top of that, he had a major stroke - and had to learn to walk again.  Recently, he got pneumonia and went into respiratory failure.  He has since been really weak and has had to learn to walk again - at 83 years old.  I have not heard him complain once.  The closest he got was to say, "I just want to go see Jesus!" 

     I watch Pops because things are not going his way - and yet he has a good attitude.  He is kind and polite to all his caregivers, thanks them for each thing, and doesn't complain when they are busy and take time to answer his call button.   

     Dad moved into assisted living at the beginning of January, just before he got pneumonia.  My sister Susan and I have been learning to "PIBE", or Play It By Ear or "ODAAT", One Day At A Time.  Never knowing what the next day will bring.  Will he survive this infection?  Will he make it back to the assisted living or will he have to go to a nursing home?  When we learned that he could go back to the assisted living, we had 1 day to get a hospital bed.  The rental facilities were out of beds.  Access, a place in Medford that lets people use their medical supplies, had one bed but 4 people needed it.  Would we get it?  Where would we get a bed if we couldn't get that one?  God worked it out - we got it and Dad successfully moved back to the assisted living.  He's working hard to gain his strength so he can get back to being mobile.  And he's not complaining.  He is so very strong!

     Looking at past blog posts, I've been struggling with trust a lot.  With letting God be in control and not complaining about His path. 

     This past week, some friends told me they are going to Greece to help with the refugees who are coming by boat.  My heart was torn.  I've been in tears watching the videos of refugees landing with nothing - cold, wet, and desperate.  I want to be there.  I want to help them.  But I can't go.  I'm trying not to complain.  Tom and Betty will be great at this - they are so gifted in acting out love even with a language barrier.  Those refugees will be blessed to have Tom and Betty there.  Tom asked me if I want to go on a medical mission to Jordan in October.  YES!!! But I'm not qualified.  Yes, I have my M.D. but I didn't get a residency, Tom.  That's a huge door that I feel like God slammed in my face.  So, no, I don't think I can go to Jordan.  I think I'm supposed to stay here, draw blood, and be content with what God has given me.  Yes, I'm frustrated because I thought I was following God's path in going to medical school, but I feel like all I got out of it was $150,000 of debt.  Really?  Is that what He wanted me to do?  I have no clue.   But this is where I'm at. 

     So, I sit, and I watch Pops, and I try to be strong and to be happy for those who get to go to other countries and help those in need.  I am truly thankful for Tom and Betty, for their daughter Brandee who will go to Jordan.  For those others who get to go and help out in those areas that have such a great need.

     There's a new song out by Lauren Daigle.  The words to her songs are always an encouragement.  Here are some of the lyrics....

 

Letting go of every single dream
I lay each one down at Your feet
Every moment of my wandering
Never changes what You see

I’ve tried to win this war I confess
My hands are weary I need Your rest
Mighty Warrior, King of the fight
No matter what I face, You’re by my side

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings
There’s not a day ahead You have not seen
So, in all things be my life and breath
I want what You want Lord and nothing less

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

 

 

This is where I'm at - I'm still learning from Pops to choose to trust in Him and continue to work hard in the place He puts me when He doesn't move the mountain that I need moved.